you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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