Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
