im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
