everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
