after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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