he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would fuck him just for his dog
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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