I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
