You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Less talking, more tequila
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
