Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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