I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
