operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
