2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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