Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
