Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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