i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize