He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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