You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
