Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
