I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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