There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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