dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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