Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
