That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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