Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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