so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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