my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
