Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
