apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
