Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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