Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
