How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
