He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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