The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
