wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
