It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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