Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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