your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
