Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
