office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So vagazzling was a success
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
