Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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