The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
