Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
