so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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