He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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