his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
