Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
