It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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