a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
