the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
