Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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