nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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