I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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