I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
