Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
