what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
