We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
