Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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