Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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