i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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