It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
