My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
