I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
