bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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