You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
