I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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