fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
