6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
