K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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