you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
