I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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