did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize