You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
