You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
