I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
