I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
