Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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