Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
