i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we made out on top of his cat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
