yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
